I didn't Realize
by HeAteMyHeartOut
Summary: This is very Old, but I felt like someone should see it. Matt's finally had it with Mello's abuse. Oneshot.


Okay so.. if you read the summary you'd know this is very, very, very old. I just never had it in me to publish it here. I still suddenly felt like _someone_ should see it though. I'm gonna keep this authors note short and sweet though. Enjoy.

* * *

He would love him.

He would adore him.

He would need him.

He would admire him.

He would leave him.

He would beat him.

He would use him.

He would break him,

He would put him together again.

Just to repeat the cycle.

Matt knew that he loved him more then he could ever know, but Matt was getting tired. He was getting tired of the endless cycle that Mello didn't seem to try and break. Matt couldn't help the shudders that racked his body when Mello looked at him in a certain way. Good or bad. He couldn't help the smirks, and smiles that would creep upon his face when Mello would beg for something in his own way, or wanted the simple need of his attention. Matt learned to numb himself when he was in a ill mood. The many times Mello would turn violent it shouldn't have hurt Matt so much. As it turns out the pain was more mental than physical.

Matt loved Mello, and Mello loved him back.

If that is so then why would Mello hurt him. Mello loved him right? RIGHT? Matt would find himself wondering the same question time after time again, and it would always be confirmed by Mello spilling the three words out of his mouth when he was done. Again, if that is so, why did Matt always have bruises and scars to hide?

Mello would cry silently after his foul mood left him. Matt would hear the faint sobbing, he would go to him, and he would hold him. All the while Mello would be repeatedly apologizing, and Matt would forgive him.

_The cycle repeats._

* * *

"Mello I'm home!"

Matt kicked his boots off with the little help of his hands, and pulled his vest off, walking toward the couch. After laying it on the couch he went to hunt for Mello. Only slightly panicked, and anxious, from not finding him as soon as he thought, he twisted the doorknob that led to the room they shared. He let out a sigh of relief upon seeing a small dark lump on the bed.

"You scared me for a sec, Mell. I didn't know where you were."

There was a small movement on the bed, and then came a soft reply.

"Now you know how I feel."

Matt groaned inwardly as he made his way to the bed. He hoped Mello wasn't in a bad mood.

"I'm sorry Mells, It's mostly because I'm out getting your chocolate. Who knows who will be on the street at times. I'm afraid I'll loose you."

Mello shifted slightly on the bed to look at Matt, who was just now pulling out a cig. He watched him light it, slip his eyes closed, and inhale. The smoke caressed his cheeks, and nose, then slowly faded in the barley lit room. Mello met green eyes after a moment.

"So how was your day? You look exhausted."

"You would have known how my day went if you were in it."

_Shit, Yeah... He's pissed. _Matt sighed_._

"Mell, If I didn't get your chocolate you would be in a worse mood then this. Hell, if I didn't get any cigarettes I'd be in a bad mood."

"You don't stay home enough. I miss you."

Matt looked down at him. Mello didn't seem like himself. He was somehow off. He couldn't really put his finger on it, but he went with it.

"Aw Mells, I miss you too."

"If you miss me then why do you leave me alone?"

_I could ask a question similar to that. _Matt sighed, "I just told you why."

Mello frowned at him, and turned his head away.

"Go away," he grumbled, and closed his eyes.

It was Matt's turn to frown. Mello was being very unreasonable right now. He thought of getting up to go play his portable game, but decided against it. Mello needed his attention. He stood, and left the room to get the chocolate bar he left in his vest pocket. Mello had stared at the door behind him, but turned on his stomach to smash his face in the sheets seconds later. Matt came back in and sat in the same spot this time with the sweet in his hand.

"Mello."

The said blonde stretched out his hands and feet.

"Mell."

Nothing.

Matt took it upon himself to start opening the chocolate, hoping that Mello would perk up hearing the tear of the paper. His finger only twitched slightly at the sound. Matt placed a hand on his back and rubbed.

"Come on Mells, this isn't like you. I didn't open this yummy goodness for nothing."

Mello finally turned over onto his back, and reached for the chocolate. Matt gladly handed it to him and started to rub his stomach as he ate. That's when Mello muttered two words that gave Matt a good laugh.

"Fuckin' Near."

Mello turned himself so that he could place his head in Matt's lap. He looked so exhausted.

"Matty-"

"I know."

Matt smirked down at his love. Mello was unpredictable. Mello was complicated.

And Mello was_ his_.

"Mello! I'm done!"

Matt grabbed his vest and boots, making his way out the door. He didn't take anything else. He had been covered in a few fresh bruises, and the only visible cut Mello had noted was on his shoulder. Just like that, he was gone.

Mello stared a the floor in complete and udder horror. What has he done?

"_I hate you."_


End file.
